


Life on the Shelf

by muses_circle



Series: We All Fall series [14]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Episode: s04e21 When the Levee Breaks, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Mentions of romantic relationship, aftermath of mental torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23667517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muses_circle/pseuds/muses_circle
Summary: This is how it’s gonna end, Sam Winchester.
Series: We All Fall series [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1059086
Kudos: 3





	Life on the Shelf

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during Sam's time locked up during "When the Levee Breaks". Just my interpretation of what he might have been going through. While I don’t own Sam or anything related to Supernatural, I do own the girl. Her faults are mine.

The devil’s trap on the panic room ceiling melted down the walls – warbled, multiplied, and shook with disapproval. Taunting Sam with whispers of torture and permanent imprisonment. _Gonna rot here_ , it chanted, molten fingers reaching for his throat. _Gonna die, gonna starve. Your demon blood’s gonna be the end of you._

“Shut up,” Sam rasped and put his hands over his head to ward off the anticipated attack.

_Gonna die, Sam Winchester. Gonna die._ The words faded into the walls, leaving a dull throb of pain in his head.

Maybe he _should_ die.

He glanced around the panic room with sightless, burning eyes. Dean and Bobby had left him – empty, wasted, despairing – and God knew if he’d see them again.

Part of him wanted to break out and kick their asses for putting him through this. Didn’t they get why he _had_ to drink the blood? He didn’t want Dean to kill Lilith – he wasn’t strong enough, not like Sam was. Only Sam could accomplish this; his destiny, not Dean’s.

Instead, he was locked in a cage like a beast, left to his demons to rip him to shreds. He had never felt so alone.

As the ringing in his ears dissipated, Sam knew he deserved this hell he had created. The dark, lonely, vengeful path he started on his own last summer had become his life, and despite the TLC people tried to give him – namely Emma and Bobby – Sam had pushed them away. Pushed _her_ away, when he’d needed her most. Just like he had everyone else.

Sam looked up at the now inanimate trap and fought back tears of pain. _Emma._ She was gone – run away at breakneck speed and out of his life. He betrayed her and the love they shared, because he chose to take the one thing only a demon could offer.

The pain of that memory ate at him, clawing at his stomach and tearing it to shreds. Sam struggled to his feet and leaned against the wall, his head making contact with the metal.

_Think of something else. Move. Yell. Curse. Let the lack of fresh blood burn away her memory. Let her go. Plot a way outta here, but forget about Emma Boudreaux._

“Now why would you wanna to that, _cher_?”

His breath left his lungs in a rush. The familiar pet name, a symphony of beauty in his mind, reverberated off the walls. Sam’s body felt like dead weight, but he shifted his head towards the source of her voice.

There she stood, wearing a green gown that clung to her, looking more like a night goddess than a hallucination. Emma shined so brightly that Sam could barely look at her. However, despite her sheer perfection, he noticed a coldness in her eyes, and the faint, cruel curl to her lips told him this couldn’t be her.

He swallowed and passed a hand down his face. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, forcing himself to look her in the eye. “For everything.”

“And which ‘everything’ is that?” she scoffed. “Saying you love me and then leaving me behind to wonder if I’ll ever see you again? Sucking blood from that demon bitch Ruby and not telling me about it?” As she spoke, Emma checked the list off with her fingers. “Or my personal favorite, destroying whatever future we had because you needed _her_ more than _me._ How am I doing?”

“Yes, all of that,” he begged and held out his hands. “I have to do this, Em. It’s necessary.”

She picked up the hem of her gown and slowly stalked towards him. “Necessary to turn into a weirdo side-show freak so you can kill a demon?” she hissed. “Ever thought about finding another way?”The hatred was too much to bear. “There _is_ no other way,” he whispered and shut his eyes.

“Says who? Ruby? Way back in the summer, when I gave so much of myself to keep you alive, it was so _Ruby_ could convince you that your non-human abilities were the best course?”

He heard the soft rustle of clothing and opened his eyes. She stood before him, perfect and untouchable, with a murderous, judgmental look in her eyes. “You don’t understand,” Sam interjected.

“Then help me understand,” Emma replied, “’cause I’m not seeing it. Dean’s alive, y’all got angels on your side . . . _you had me from the get-go_ . . . what else is missing that you feel compelled to become this . . . thing I see standing in front of me?”

Sam stared at her, appalled and hurting from her accusation. But didn’t he, on some level, deserve this? To be tortured by a vision of her, one that could express everything she should have said the last time they spoke?

“I’m doing this for my family,” he whispered finally and searched her stony face, “because I know I was chosen to kill Lilith. I have to. I owe it to Dean – and you – to protect you from what’s coming. Maybe then it’ll be over.” Even as he spoke the words, Sam didn’t believe them.

The vision of Emma laughed, a soft, strange and unearthly sound that raised the hair on his forearms. “It’ll never be over, not until you die, which could be soon if you’re lucky. And you owe me nothing, pal. You lost me, remember? Live with that for the rest of your miserable life, and we’ll call it even.” Her presence shifted, dissolved, and vanished from the room.

Sam’s legs gave out from beneath him, and he fell to the floor – numbed, beyond words. _Did she really believe that?_ He asked himself. _Could Emma despise me that much?_

As much as he wanted to break out, find her, and ask her outright, Sam knew the futility of doing so. He’d never get out – Dean and Bobby abandoned him to rot in this physical representation of his inner Hell – a place without light, hope, and the people he loved.


End file.
